My Teacher Honours List

By Obo Effanga

Yippee! It’s World Teachers’ Day today. Oh, well not too many people may be aware of that fact. Not that they couldn’t be bothered I guess; just that the day, like many things about teaching, has not been made popular enough, at least in our climes here in Nigeria.
I don’t really have the time to start dwelling on the problems of teaching and how poorly appreciative we are of the men and women who have helped mould each one of us right from the cradle. All that I would try to do here is go way back in time and remember some of the best teachers I have had in primary and secondary schools.  No doubt I may not remember all of them (it’s been 38 long years since I first began formal education) but I would try all the same.

Here with my personal list of honours for my teachers.

Mrs. Eta: I remember Mrs. Eta, my first teacher in school, AME Zion Primary School, Diamond Hill, Calabar. She was that quintessential teacher you would find in 1974, that helped ‘wean’ off a clingy five year old from his father by giving him the special care and attention he needed to get used to the school environment.

Miss Eleng: My teacher in primary 3C. She was a teacher on ‘student practice’, as they called them. She was young and playful. The fact that she could not speak the local Efik language meant that we had to polish up our English language skills.

Mr. X: (Oops, I’ve forgotten his name hence the use of ‘X’) My Primary 6 teacher, a tall dude. We enjoyed his tutelage but he was a terror when he got angry.

Secondary school was more fun for me, thanks to the wonderful teachers we had in Hope Waddell Training Institution, Calabar.

Mrs Panchallingham: My Class 1 mathematics teacher, whose husband taught physics to the higher classes. They were Indians (or is it Sri Lankan, but we saw no difference in the two countries). We could swear the woman was a witch, the way she went about solving maths and giving us all that stress of adding ‘n’ plus ‘m’ or subtracting ‘x’ from ‘y’. Today I really wonder how come we don’t see the Xs and Ys in real life. Lol! 

Mrs. Henshaw: My Class 1 English teacher. She was the prim and proper teacher whose class I exceedingly enjoyed.

Mrs. Umunakwe: Her literature classes in class 1 saw us read interesting poems and prose like Tales out of School. It was in her class I learnt that the past tense of the verb ‘burst’ is ‘burst’.

Mrs. Asukwo: (I hope I got the name right) She taught me English in classes 4 and 5. She was a huge lady whom we called Igor or Igoress, in reference to the wrestler, ‘Mighty Igor’ (God please forgive us).

Mr. A. A. Ikoiwak: Our no-nonsense literature teacher in classes 4 and 5 who made us see both the ‘seen’ and ‘unseen’ poems. The way he broke down the meanings and nuances of poetry marvelled us all. I have just called and spoken with him today and I am further awed. At 83 going to 84, he is still in his elements. I mentioned the line ‘O young Lochinvar is come out of the west...’ and the man went all through reciting several more lines.

Mr. Umoh: This teacher of government was a genius, taking us through the maze of the three arms of government and telling us about governments in the pre-colonial and the early days of Independence of Nigeria. The second republic collapsed right in our hands in class 4!

Miss Ekaete Umo: She taught us biology, dissecting the human anatomy and getting us boys go naughty with side talks. She had no problems teaching biology in an all-male school.

Mrs. Jaja: The geography teacher in class 4 who would nearly cry when she saw how unserious some students were with their work. She gave geography a life, the way she handled it.

Mr. E. U. Esara: He taught us Bible Knowledge and I enjoyed his teaching of ‘the synoptic gospels’ He was also popular as the teacher in charge of arranging students to bring down the grasses in the school.

Jigawa calls itself "A New World", more like a different world, if you ask me. Sleepy, hot and rocky. Its capital city is named Dutse, meaning a rock. And that dots many of its landscapes. On one such rock formation sits the Jigawa Hotel.

If you ask an average resident here where Jigawa Hotel is, chances are that he/she would say there is no hotel by such a name. Re-phrase your question and ask for "Three Star" and they will show you to the hotel by the rock...you bet, it is the same Jigawa Hotel.

Do not ask me who created or conferred the stars on the hotel in the first place. Everyone calls it that and so nobody stops to ask, after all that is the only good hotel where anybody who is somebody (or whose organisation can afford to pay for) stays.

Just one week here and I couldn't but marvel at the scenic sites that need to be made popular in publications and on the internet. Hey, wasn't its immediate past governor the one who claimed to drive the state into the IT age?

Why National Assembly should not resist court order on members’ salaries

Why National Assembly should not resist court order on members’ salaries
By Obo Effanga
According to The Punch newspaper of Wednesday August 29, 2012, the Nigerian National Assembly is taking steps to reverse the recent order of the Federal High Court for it to disclose the earnings of its members.
The report says the National Assembly (NASS), acting through its Clerk (the highest ranking civil servant and administrator of the federal legislature), Mr. Salisu Maikasuwa, is by a motion on notice dated June 29, asking for stay of execution of the judgment on the grounds that he has filed a “valid notice of appeal” challenging it.
Recall that on June 25 2012, Justice Balkisu Aliyu had delivered judgment in a suit filed by a civil society organisation, Legal Defence and Assistant Project (LEDAP), ordering the Clerk of the National Assembly “to give detailed information of salary, emolument and allowances paid” to all the federal lawmakers from June 2007 to May 2011.
That judgment was well received and celebrated by citizens. Among other things, it would help put paid to controversies surrounding the actual, official and legitimate earnings of our legislators and thus help in our quest for accountability. The salaries and allowances of these state officials after all are paid from the common wealth of Nigerians and we deserve to know what it costs us to maintain our public officers.
What is more, it is a practical application of the intendment of the Freedom of Information Act earlier passed by the same National Assembly, whom Mr. Maikasuwa is attempting to shield from scrutiny.
The questions to ask include: “whose interest is Mr Maikasuwa attempting to protect anyway?” What injury does he or the (former) members of the National Assembly stand to suffer if this information as to their salaries and allowances are made public?”
While we are aware that the law recognises the right of any party in a legal proceeding to appeal any decision, we are also aware that public officers, whose offices and activities are paid for by public resources should at all times act in the best interest of the public. Spending public resources in appealing this judgment and resisting the quest for the disclosure of public information cannot by any stretch of imagination be said to accord to that standard.
Our country cannot progress with the attitude of public officers as represented by the clerk of the National Assembly who continue to regard the salaries and emoluments of public officers as private and secret information.
One view reportedly canvassed by the NASS Clerk is that the Freedom of Information Act, 2011 and any other law did not have retrospective effect. This apparently suggests that because the Act was passed in 2011, it cannot be used as basis for demanding information that existed prior to that time.
That certainly cannot be a proper interpretation of the law. Section 1(1) of the Act refers to “information, whether or not contained in any written form, which is in the custody or possession of any public official, agency or institution...” Thus, we believe that information about the salaries, allowances and emoluments paid to members of the National Assembly of Nigeria from 1999 to date, being within the custody of the NASS Clerk, clearly full within the above provision.
Our position therefore is for the Clerk and indeed the leadership of the National Assembly to discontinue forthwith this appeal in the best interest of Nigeria and to speedily release the requested information as ordered by a court of competent jurisdiction.

An idiot's guide to fighting corruption in Nigeria

Nigeria, like every other country - India, UK, US, Iran, Ghana etc, has its share of corrupt public officers who steal from the common wealth of all for their personal interests. However, it is how the state responds to corruption that makes a huge difference. I have over the years observed the typical pattern of how we fight corruption in Nigeria and have come up with this script, played out in 10 scenes:

1. EFCC or Police nab high-profile suspects; issues press release which the media gullibly goes to town with.

2. Supporters of suspects allege witch-hunt.

3. Suspects are arraigned in court and media again splashes photos and video footages.

4. Ordinary Nigerians celebrate, abuse the suspects in commentaries, at pubs, and at newspaper "free readers' club" stands.

5. Suspects apply for bail and are initially denied.

6. Suspects again apply for bail citing medical reasons and court eventually grants bail with conditions that seem difficult to meet.

7. Bail condition is met and suspects leave custody.

8. Case drags for a while, suffering adjournments upon adjournments.

9. Public forgets about the case and looks forward to another high-profile, celebrated arraignment.

10. Suspects meanwhile are fully integrated into the society and carry on with their endeavours as usual, (Orji Uzor Kalu, Jolly Nyame etc) including holding high offices as 'Senator of the Federal Republic of Nigeria' (Saminu Turaki, Chimaroke Nnamani etc.).

And the beat goes on...

Of Special Advisers and Ministers

Of Special Advisers and Ministers

I recently asked the rhetorical question, “What does any country need 40 ministers and 20 special advisers to the presidency for”? Now, with the announcement of the specific titles of the 20 special advisers, I am the more worried how many of those positions are really necessary. Perhaps those more conversant with the workings of government should first tell us what the difference in the roles of a minister/or state commissioner and those of special advisers and special assistants are. We have even seen a situation under Obasanjo where some ministers in his first term in office returned in the second term as Special Advisers.

To be sure here are some special adviser positions that I am struggling to understand. There is a Special Adviser to the President on Energy. Does that mean there would be no minister for energy? There is also a Special Adviser to the President on Social Development. Is the department of social development going to be pulled out from where it is currently? It is just as I am wondering what the Special Adviser to the President on Niger Delta Affairs will do, that cannot be done by the minister in that ministry. And then there is a Special Adviser to the President on International Relations. Really? What happens to the foreign affairs minister?

I am sure many Nigerians have often wondered what amounts to ‘Special Duties’ that we sometimes have a special adviser and maybe a minister for? I remember that Abacha had three different ministers of Special Duties, the most popular or notorious being Wada Nas. Those duties must be so special that they cannot be identified under any specific head. Maybe that is where ‘miscellaneous’ expenses we see in budgets get spent.

Now there is a “Special Adviser to the President for Special Duties (Office of the Vice President)”. Let’s reason for a moment that when that office holder then gets a ‘special assistant’ (PA), that one will bear the very lengthy designation of “PA to the SA to the President for Special Duties (office of the VP)”. I would love to see that fellow’s business card.

Now, all these titles and designations look too complicated and technical to understand that I am thinking of suggesting that we need a Special Adviser on Special Advisory Coordination. Never mind, my suggestion is late because there is a ‘Special Adviser to the President on Technical Matters’. Could that be the person for the job?

Seventh National Assembly: The making of our 7th mega-millionaire politicians’ club?

Today the 7th Session of Nigeria’s National Assembly (NASS) will be inaugurated. The Senate (as upper chamber) made up of 109 members and the House of Representatives (as the lower chamber) made up of 360 members, constitute the apex of our legislature and supposedly a reflection of our aspirations as a nation.

Typically, the polity has been heated with the politicking and horse-trading as to who should be elected presiding officers of the legislative houses and why. But just last night, the speaker of the just ended House of Representatives (Dimeji Bankole) was arrested by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), allegedly for a loan collected by the House of Representatives under his watch to the tune of N10bn. The details and purport of the loan had become a source of embarrassment in the twilights of the 6th Session of NASS.

The recent happenings must set the tone for today’s pomp in Nigeria’s capital city, Abuja. The members to be sworn in, in both chambers must have a thought as to how to or how not to conduct business as usual, if they want to make a difference. But that may be asking for too much.

It seems, from the reports in the media, that from January 2010, the Reps of the now extinct 6th Session approved/accepted an increase of their quarterly 'allowance' for 'running cost' from N22m to N42m for each 'ordinary' member. This was made to at least close the yawning gap between what they collected and what their principal officers got, which was much more and a source of discontent by majority of the members.

In a manner of speaking, the 'genesis' that led to this 'revelation' was the enhanced allowance approved by the Reps for themselves. Rep Tambuwal reportedly told the House in one of its now notorious 'Executive' Sessions of the “restiveness of members and the possible crisis that may erupt in the House because of the issue of enhanced allowances that members have been clamoring for”. As I said a few weeks ago, it was this effort to sustain ambrosia for our Reps that led to this burst bubble.

That enhanced allowance is still running as new members are sworn in today and will continue to run. I don't see these new members, as beneficiaries' voting to reverse this quarterly windfall. In fact, if they have their way, they would love to sweeten the honey or money pot, as their predecessors did, unless they are a new breed of Nigerians with a different thinking.

I daresay that some of these new members were drawn to the National Assembly in the first place by the evidence of stupendous transformation in the personal circumstances of their predecessors by merely attaining the position of 'honourable' members and 'distinguished' senators. If in doubt, ask those who failed to retain their seats and find out why some of them are so bitter at their losses.

In plain words, are we merely inaugurating the 7^th Session of Nigeria’s National Assembly or this is the making of our 7^th mega-millionaire politicians’ club?

Enter motor forget wetin them write for the bodi

There's a streetwise advice in Nigeria, rendered in as funny a manner as any street grammar can possibly be, urging people to focus on the utility of something, not the packaging. In Nigerian pidgin, it is said, "make you enter motor forget wetin them write for the bodi". It probably comes from the days when owners of (long distance) buses and trucks would write religious and philosophical expressions on the vehicles. Some of those expressions were controversial or likely to be misunderstood, like "man die go", "God punish dem all" or "life is war". I must not forget one of the most popular ones that says, "To be a man is not a day's job". In practice it was written "a day job".

It was possible therefore that some prospective commuters would have, out of courage of conviction, opted not to get on some of those vehicles. But given that there were often too few of the vehicles and the few often had (potentially) controversial words of wisdom, the streetwise person knew it was better to hop on the next available bus than be worried about what message the bus was carrying.

I was recently confronted with that choice here in Brighton as I bought packaged fresh pumpkin leaves to prepare a meal. The product was branded in three languages that I could identify as or suspect to be Efik, Igbo and English (in that order). It was called "okong-bong" (apparently it was "ikong-ubong" in Efik); "ogu" (that must be "ugwu" or "ugu" in Igbo) and wait for this, "ponki leaves" (pumpkin leaves in English).

But hey, I wasn't buying the name was I? I was buying ikong-ubong or ugwu/ugu or pumpkin leaves, by whatever name it was called. Like a rose by whatever name, you would say.

Okay, this is NOT about what I cooked and how, so don't think I am going to talk about that. The proof of the pudding is in the eating right, so invite yourself over.